ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
