Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
