it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
