His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
