I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Randomize