Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
