Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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