my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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