i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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