dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
