No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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