you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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