we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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