Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
