All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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