I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize