You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
