Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
