I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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