Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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