I'm jealous of your bromance
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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