woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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