perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
