I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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