Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
