The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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