i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
