I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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