You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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