but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
