Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
