Will you blow on my dice?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
