Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
