Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
