This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
