i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
