I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
