Your face is a jimmy john
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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