I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am naked and annoyed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
