She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
