the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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