I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
