Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
