I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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