TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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