I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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