Your dad touched me again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
