Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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