Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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