True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
