You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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