A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
