eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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