"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if only i could text you this smell
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
