You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
