Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
