Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You smell like a Billy Joel song
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
