i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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