His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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