I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
