it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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