If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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