____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
