and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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