no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
