So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
