I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
