Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize