Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no, he came in my armpit
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize