You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is Oprah even human
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
