these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize