you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
