she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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