just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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