Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
