I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
