I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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