Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
