I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
