then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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