I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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