You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize