Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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