For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize