I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
