So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
