Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
