If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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