you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
